By Nate Abraham Jr.
Like most men, I love visiting the barbershop for the conversations as much as the haircuts. Last year, I was at Professional Cutz on Jackson Boulevard with a group of married men. We all have young adult children ranging in age from 13 to 35. There were four of us, married for 18 years, 28 years, 33 years and 38 years. The topic of discussion that day was how we advise our offspring when it comes to choosing mates.
One thing we all agreed on was that fathers matter just as much as mothers. Fathers matter even more when their kids get older and prepare to leave the nest.
We all agreed that one of the best pieces of advice we give to young men is to never date single mothers. And just as important, never date a woman who was raised by a single mother.
If your objective is to build a stable, lifelong relationship with someone to raise a family, you should start with someone who has been raised in that
type of environment. If she has never seen healthy, long-term male-female relationships, it will be harder to create one with her. She will be used to chaos, and will probably try to recreate chaos in her relationships.
I also have daughters, and I tell them something similar – don’t date dudes raised by single mothers. That is especially true if she is a bitter single mother because her bitterness toward men will often be directed toward her son. I told my daughters that they must disqualify potential suitors who did not grow up with a strong male presence in their lives.
Women need fathers just as much as they need mothers. Mothers cannot give their daughters insight into how men think or how to carry themselves around them. Fathers are the best people to teach daughters how to act, react and behave. Daughters need to learn life lessons from mothers AND fathers. Without both sides, their education is incomplete.
Raising daughters was even tougher than raising a son. When my son was born, I was
overjoyed. I knew I was going to have fun raising him. When my first daughter was born, I knew I was in trouble. I knew that every day of my life, I had to show her what a good man looks like. Otherwise, they could end up with the wrong dude and I would go to jail for killing someone. To stay out of jail, I had to be the kind of guy I wanted them to be around — day in and day out, every second of my life. That is a lot of pressure.
We also agreed that all females should take advice from their male relatives. I told my daughters that they have male relatives for a reason, and that reason is to protect them from guys that are not worthy of them. (Female relatives perform the same role for guys.) Dudes can spot bad dudes from a mile away.
So for all the fathers out there, don’t forget that your most important role is to watch over and advise the young people in your life. Teach your sons and daughters about life. Pass on your wisdom. The future of this planet depends on it.
Happy Father’s Day!
